Gin's Worst Nightmare
by kaibasgirlx
Summary: A fate the 3rd Captain finds worst than death.


**Gin's Worst Nightmare**

It was a regular day in the 3rd Division for Ichimaru Gin. He had annoyed the hell out of Hitsugaya this morning, finalized his plans with Aizen to stab everyone in Soul Society in the back, and made sure to give Kira false hope that he actually meant something to him.

"I seem ta be missin' somethin'," Gin said to himself, as he reclined in his office chair, frowning, thinking hard. Then his eyes went wide. "That's right! I gotta go say g'bye ta Ran-chan and the kids before I leave!"

He immediately got up from his chair and made his way towards the 10th Division. _I can't believe I almost forgot about them!_ He thought to himself.

In no time at all, he reached his destination. Something felt very wrong to Gin as he slide open the door to the office, after standing outside it for a few moments, listening to the animated chatter inside.

In the center of a circle of shinigami ladies stood Rangiku, who was holding a bottle of sake as though in celebration of something, while all the women around her seemed to be doing the same. Glancing around, Gin saw the pint-sized captain himself sitting at his desk, but for once he didn't look angry or annoyed at the disruption. In fact, he was actually smiling…

"Oh look, Captain Ichimaru is here!" Hinamori said excitedly, as she and the other ladies motioned him to come over.

Gin proceeded cautiously, looking around as though expecting some sort kidou spell or trap to pop up in order explain the bizarre situation he was finding himself in. Finally, he looked up at the 10th vice-captain herself.

"Ran-chan, what's goin' on?"

Rangiku, who still hadn't turned around fully to face him, smiled and giggled into her hand, as the other one held the bottle of sake. "Oh, don't worry; they're just here celebrating with me!"

"Celebratin' what?"

Rangiku turned around fully to face him with the broadest smile he had ever seen on her face.

"This."

_****_S c c c c c c r r r r e e e e e e e e e c c c c c h h h h h h h h h h h_**.**_

Gin felt his heart stop. His vision was blown. He felt as though his brain had just broke.

"Isn't it wonderful? !" Matsumoto continued happily.

"Wha-WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO? ! ? !"

Matsumoto laughed at his hysterical reaction. "Oh, silly Gin! I got a reduction!"

_I got a reduction!_

_I got a reduction!_

_Reduction!_

_REDUCTION!_

"**N O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !**"

Gin turned and ran out of the room as fast as he could, trying to erase the memory of what he saw from his mind. "This can't be happenin'! My babies! My hushpuppies! My kids! ! !"

But everywhere he went, he seemed to run into a flat-chested Matsumoto.

"Hey Gin!" She greeted, as he tried to run to the safety of his division.

"Aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh!"

He turned tail and ran towards the 5th.

_Captain Aizen will know what ta do!_ He thought desperately.

But even there, Matsumoto was waiting for him.

"Don't you like them, Gin?" She asked cheerfully. "Now I won't have any more back pain!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Gin fell to his knees in defeated agony, hands fisted in front of him as he beseeched the heavens. "Why? Why did ya do this ta me? ! Whhhhyyyyyy? ! ? !"

"_Ichimaru! Ichimaru!"_

"_Captain Ichimaru!"_

"Is this cause I always pick on Hitsugaya? ! Cause I slipped Aizen an aphrodisiac once to see if he was really gay? ! Cause I always tease Tousen even though he's blind? ! Whhhhyyyyy? ? !"

"_Wake up Ichimaru! You're having a nightmare!"_

"_Captain Ichimaru..? !"_

"OPEN YOUR EYES, DARN YOU!"

Gin opened his eyes with a start. Slowly, he sat up, looking around.

"Wha-wha' happened?" He asked, seeing all the people surrounding him.

"You fell asleep during the meeting," Kenpachi grunted. "And then you started screaming like a freakin' retard!"

"So it was justa dream?" Gin asked cautiously; hope starting to flutter in his heart.

"Yes, apparently whatever sleep-induced hallucination you were having is simply that," Unohana said gently. "A nightmare."

Gin wiped the sweat off his brow. "Phew! Cause for a second there, I thought my kids were gone!"

"Kids?"

"Ah-aha-I mean, I had a dream where I had kids, and then they disappeared! Not real kids, of course!" He said quickly, as he picked himself up off the floor of the captain's meeting room. He stretched out his limbs. "Well, ah, thanks for everythin' Unohana-san! I'd better get goin'!"

He left as quickly as he could, making a beeline straight to the 10th Division. After a nightmare like that, there was no way in hell he was going to just leave things as they are.

Laughter and shouting reached his ears as he approached the doorway. A feeling of déjà vu overcame Gin, as he slowly opened the door to the office.

Standing in the center was Rangiku, a bottle of sake in her hand, as she laughed in the midst of a gaggle of shinigami women.

"Oh look Rangiku-san! Captain Ichimaru is here!" Hinamori said cheerfully.

Gin went pale, knowing what was going to come next. As Matsumoto turned around to face him, he shut his eyes and began to scream.

"Noooooo! No Ran-Chan! Why? ? Why did ya do it? ? Whhhhyyyyyyy? ? ? !"

"Gin! Gin!" Matsumoto shouted, as she ran towards the hysterical captain. "Gin, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Why? ! Why did ya murder my babies in cold blood? ! Why did ya do it? ! Couldn't—couldn't ya have at least given me the chance ta say g'bye? ! ?"

Matsumoto arched a pencil thin brow at the word 'babies', and immediately realized what the captain was referring to. Deciding there was only one way to remedy this situation, she quickly pulled him out into the corridor, and, giving a quick glance to make sure no one else was there, took his head and stuffed it right into the center of her bosom.

Gin immediately stopped struggling as he relaxed. "Ahhhh, my babies are okay after all," he sighed in relief.

Matsumoto, seeing that he'd calmed down, roughly pushed him off her and into the wall. "We'll talk about this later," she glared. "For now though, come inside. We're celebrating the success of my idea to raise money for the Shinigami Women's Association."

"Ohh…"

Gin trailed silently behind her as she led the way back to the office.

"Hey Ran-Chan?" He piped up, just before they went inside.

"Hmm?"

"Do ya think we can do our own 'celebratin' together?" He asked, grinning at her slyly.

Matsumoto glanced at him askance, before looking away, replying. "We'll see."

_The End._

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

_My first GinRan! I always thought I'd write something serious about them for a first fic, but I'm glad it turned out to be humor instead XD_

_Anyway, this idea originated after I was thinking what cup size Rangiku must be. So here's what all the letters stand for, just in case anyone was wondering:_

_A – Almost There_

_B – Barely There_

_C – Can't Complain_

_D – Dang!_

_DD – Double Dang!_

_E – Enormous_

_F – Fake_

_G – Get a Reduction!_

_H – Help Me I've Fallen and I Can't Get Back Up!_

_And in case any of you think I'm making these sizes up, I kid you not, I know someone who was a size G, and a friend of mine swears she once saw an H-cup bra!_

_Anyway, reviews will make my day!_


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